should i even care? that's a thought that i've been hving today...
should i care that i dun hv any frens to talk to the whole day?
should i care that i've days like this not just today?
should i care that my loneliness is killing me by the minute?
a part of me says i shld be prepared for days like this..
not to be a bother to ppl's life
a part of me is crying...
crying for my pathetic life of loneliness
crying for not hving much frens
crying for being a pathetic and useless fren
posted by: hilmi21 @ 11:25 pm
+ + +
200+ people dead on the gaza strip frm an israeli missile... no remorse, heck, they'll continue if they need to... where's the people to condemn such attacks? where's the front page news? it only gets a small segment in the newspaper... issit ok to hv such attacks on the gaza strip? it just so happens the missile hits near a hospital and maybe a school... if the palestinians were to attack back, they'll be condemning it from a to z... where's the justice in that?
truthfully, i'm bored this holidays... no one that i can go out with, nor no one wanna ask me out... so truthfully, i am bored... bored frm staying at home, and get myself fatter by the minute... bored frm doing the same things almost everyday... i feel like my frens are slowly abandoning me...
posted by: hilmi21 @ 9:01 pm
+ + +
the weather ytd was cloudy and windy... one of my fave kind of weather... but i can't enjoy it that much... ppl are in mourning, sadden by the news dat i received the other night... met up with AK and Faris at BB MRT at arnd 930... i was late... saw nasri ee, farhan and fathin were there too... the moment i saw sabby coming over wen we arrived, i kinda felt a rush, i hope its not too obvious tho.. also we're a tad too late for the solat jenazah and the kenduri... so we waited for her outside her house... once the doa selamat was over, she came out, talking to us, smiling... i m so glad to see and hear u... so after lunch, we talked again, telling stories of those of us who had lost someone so close... i nearly cried telling them where my late grandmother died and hw... i guess i just can't talk abt my late grandmother... we said our goodbyes and went home at arnd 5+...
and during all this i had this very intention of just hugging her... but i decided not to... dun ask me why...
dis song kept playing on my hp the whole day... my new theme song for the new year...
dedicated to u _ a _ _ _...
posted by: hilmi21 @ 4:33 pm
+ + +
its been almost 2 weeks since i've return frm kl... and so far i've only gone out of the house onli twice... sometimes i wonder where do i stand with my frens... i know i got no best fren, onli good frens... i am dying to go out of the house and hv fun... but all i've done is eat, slp late, chat, surf the net, watch tv and play games... haiz... i guess i am supposed to end up like this for all of the hols i hv... i am not bother ppl to go out wif me no more... i'm gonna go out wif myself more....
BORN ALONE, LIVE ALONE, DIE ALONE...
i am worried and concern for you, my friend... we, your friends, will always be there for you if you ever need us...
posted by: hilmi21 @ 10:35 am
+ + +
whoo... new layout... hahaha... decided to change after hving some problem viewing my own blog...
i'll be going to KL tonight so i dunno if i am able to update the blog over there... well, AK is going to KL too but she'll be going on saturday... I tink Sabby will be lonely here in SG unless....
someone said ytd dat promises are meant to be broken... i beg to differ... i am the kind dat would keep his promise... and i hv kept a lot of promises i've made with some ppl...
i hv this deep feeling of telling someone abt hw i felt... call it hving no guts but i am a sensitive and shy guy... and also i can bet the person i'm hving feelings with, will shot me down... she sees me as just a good fren...
i guess i shld just tell it in dis blog... maybe soon...
posted by: hilmi21 @ 11:24 am
+ + +
ytd was probably the best day i've had since i dunno... since ever? first, no mcs class as its for a those who hv yet to do their tests, den after dat got the news that afternoon class had been canceled as the mr tan had to go to a briefing at balestier at 2... so me, fazli, shikin and asri went to IMM for lunch... walked arnd after that... as usual on tuesday, had street soccer with asri's frens at a basketball court... i dunno how, but i was on form ytd nite and scored 4 magnificent goals!! 1st is a chip to the furthest top left of the basketball court bar, second a cheeky chip from a throw in corner.. third is a lay out shot while the fourth is a tap in... there're alot of chances for me to score further but i am happy ytd as sumhow, i was running and sprinting all over the court... for almost 2 and half hours!! HAHAHA...
its been almost a week since i've last saw AK and sabby... i understand that they've phase test, theory tests due to them hving attachments after hols... i hv chatted with AK and i've msged sabby a few times(even if she didn't reply back to me)... but its not the same as meeting up, talking over stuff, hving lunch/dinner together with Azy or going somewhere... wat i mean is talking physically not technologcally.... i can say i hv somewhat tried to plan to go out with u gals but its all in vain... oh well, u gals hv ur own lives to cater for... and i won't be much of a bother even if i am so missing u gals alot...
i am starting to hv a love hate relationship with a song... i love how the song connects to me abt LJS and i hate the song how it reminds me of how i am with LJS...btw, i love reading LJS blog but sometimes it just left me with heartaches and hatred... sometimes, the song
"Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek" by Chiodos sums up wat i shld do... its not the song i mentioned aboved btw..
2 more days to KL trip... hv yet to pack things up... ARGH!! dunno wat bag i shld use!!
which is more painful?
a girl who got heartbroken by a guy bcos he cheated on her
or
a guy who got heartbroken by a girl bcos she doesn't acknowledge him at all?
posted by: hilmi21 @ 4:41 pm
+ + +
Selamat Hari Raya Haji to all Muslims around the world...
my weekend, isn't that bad nor issit dat gd either... literally did nothing, well except play games, eat, drink, practise my guitar, pray, eat again... well i tink i gain a few kilos... but with my holiday plans full of exercising.. i'll be shedding those off in a few days i hope...
since i'm done with SC, getting back into a band is on my mind... maybe forming a new band with a female vox... maybe playing songs from bands like mayday parade, saosin, or paramore... but finding members is hard... realli hard...
it'll be less than 6 days b4 i'm off to KL...
GOOD LUCK TO ALL WHO'LL BE HVING ATTACHMENTS!!
I'M MISSING YOU, SABBY & AK, ALREADY!!
posted by: hilmi21 @ 9:17 pm
+ + +
ouhk... i guess i've been lazy and busy to update dis damned blog of mine... hahaha... well i've been quite bz with investiture for the past few weeks... ya ya... excuses excuses... hahaha...
well, investiture is emotional, dramatic, and memorable event... the outgoing excos looked magnificent... most of us cried wen handing over the badges... i guess its the music chosen by the much loved Sabrina... thanks la eh for the choice of music... me and ak had to manned the laptops, but due to some technical error frm sabri's laptop, we kinda panicked... after that the whole event teary and serious... well except when AMK doing their skit... it was damn funny la...
well after that everybody kinda let hell broke lose... pictures was snapped... gdbyes, congratulations and see you arounds were heard all around hq... tears were rolling... some people was laughing around and away... since the food had finished, people start to stroll out of hq... some go home with memories, some with new found frens, some with relieve and some with new responsibilities...
for me, its much memorable cos dat nite mite be the last nite dat i can b another sc member... another exco to a fantastic team of people... be it bad or good things happened or being said... let it be forgotten and forgiven... i've had no regrets joining dis dover exco or my batch of bb exco... frens far and wide i hv found... experience none or some of my frens could hv ever experienced...
as the investiture had finished, i saw 3 different batch of sc with different experiences and memories... my bb batch of 05-06, Fahmi, was there kinda representing SPSU... someone who had lots of experience frm p.a to being a temporary president when 3/4 of the exco had attachments... my bb jnrs... Ros, Liyana, Van and Teck Wee... also present as invited guests to bbsc.. i bet they too hv different experiences in their own excos... and then there's me, the bbsc batch of 05-06 exco and scdr batch of 07-08 exco, frm doing the whole exco work with just 3 ppl in bb to doing an event, a gig to be exact, called PAY ATTENTION STAY AWAKE! in dover..
posted by: hilmi21 @ 10:23 pm
+ + +
