Tuesday, 19 August 2008
i've been meaning to change this blog layout for sometime but i always decide not to... the word "destroy" on the layout is a word i should describe myself... destroy all the doubts, the fears, the insecurities that i had in me... but i just cannot do it... my self-esteem had and have always been very low, no matter what i do and say... i try to puji diri sendiri sometimes... but it will always be something stupid... i try gain attention from people by doing and saying stupid and demeaning things... i have neither a best friend nor an enemy...
as i took the ride home alone, i didn't listen to any music till i reach boon lay mrt... i guess i am trying to do Sabby's fave thing but what i'm doing is very the opposite... instead of thinking nothing, i thought of everything...
each time i cross the road or drive, i would always think, who will visit me if i crashed or get into an accident? will they think of me once in a while when i am out of their lives? what and how is my life now? who will love me for me now? even the answers to this questions get into even more questions... sometimes i wonder how i manage to get through my life right now when everything kinda falls apart...
in truth, i am grateful with what i have and what i am now... and listening to people reading the Quran on TV with my mum somewhat makes me feel good rite now...
To AK & Sabby, I apologise if I didn't say hi or talk to you today, it makes me feel bad... miss you 2 presence around me..
To Sabby, welcome back to school after the "sick" episode yesterday...
posted by: hilmi21 @ 9:14 pm
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